Tag: depression

Camp NaNoWriMo

Day 24 for August Camp NaNo 2012

J.I. Soucie

 

It’s after 10PM on the east coast and I have the opportunity to work on my memoir about depression, what caused it, and how I came out of it with God‘s help.

The desire to write, to tell my story is there, but also lingering within me is fear. Fear of going back to those places that caused such pain and sadness. It is hard to write about one’s experiences in relation to hard times especially losing not only one loved one, but several. I sit here with a need to tell my story believing what I say may help someone out there, but also that writing it out may be therapy for me, and praise to God who helped me through that valley to the mountain top so to speak.

But how to get through those moments that make you want to cry…or just push the book off somewhere else and find something else to work on. Just because I don’t feel depressed, doesn’t mean that the pain of losing someone is gone. It’s still there and I believe that is what is causing me to struggle on with this book. I believe that God puts struggles in our path for a reason and that is to help us grow to become stronger for whatever purpose He may have for us. Since I believe this, and since I believe that with God I have nothing to fear, I must practice what I believe and press on.

So currently, my book stands at 26,892 words. I will now end this post and work more on my book and write another post before I hit the sack and let you all know how I have done. But first, a little prayer to God to help me with this journey.

Back later!

 

Camp NaNoWriMo

Camp NaNo Day #23

J.I. Soucie

 

Here I am on the 23rd of Camp NaNo. It’s just after midnight here on the east coast of the U.S. My mind things of the story I should be writing, but my stomach is yelling it’s monstrous voice to feed it, and my eyes and mind are screaming “Let me sleep, PLEASE!” Oh, what to do  in moments like these, knowing you must press on to meet that deadline? Knowing the next chapter you are about to write is going to be hard, but knowing it will lead to a published work someday that will prayerfully help at least one person in the world.

My desire and my heart want to continue on, but I am afraid I must call it a night. Get a snack to quiet the beast in my gut and close my eyes to end the constant straining to keep them open and rest my mind so that tomorrow…or should I say later today…I’ll be able to do more writing and make more progress on my book than before.

Ah, sleep is a friend and I know I must relinquish to it. But it is hard when the words come and with them feelings and dialogue…all plays in the sleeping mind, waiting, wanting, yearning to be written for other eyes to see. By I must quiet the mind with prayer and let God take over my sleepy body and ease me into a restful sleep.

Camp NaNo day #23 continues….much later today. :) Night all!

 

Camp NaNoWriMo

21st Day of August Camp NaNo

J.I. Soucie

 

I haven’t done ANY writing on my book today. Spent about four hours working on my cooking and catering course through the Stratford Career Institute while my 3 yr old daughter did her “school work” on abcmouse.com. We just signed her up today and started her on the preschool level. I gave her several chances to take a break but she loved it so much she didn’t want to quit! lol. So I just finished my school work and took my second exam and got a 95! Yea!

But anyway, back to my Camp NaNo story. I don’t have a title for it yet, but it is about my story on depression and how I got through it…however, I have  an idea for another book has been really working in my head. I keep trying to push it away. I’ll have to save it for the November NaNo.

So tonight, while my husband works on writing a computer program for me, I’ll be working beside him on my Camp NaNo story for this month. Only have a little over 26,000 words. Not sure if I’ll make the goal, but I’m dang well gonna try. Thing is writing about depression and things that cause it is hard. Brings back some emotions so I’ll have to do a little at a time and then have a “happier” break before bed like watching some comedy or something

Well, the dinner bell is ringing folks so I best go and get the hubby and daughter some dinner and get myself some while I’m at it. Then we’ll tend the garden, get the daughter to bed and then it is writing time!!! Or…that’s that plan..but we all know plans can change, don’t we? lol

See later my friends. I will be back later tonight with another report on my progress. Cheers!

~Janis~

 

Camp NaNoWriMo

August Camp NaNo Day 17

J.I. Soucie

 

Okay, so today is day 17 of the August 2012 Camp NaNo. I have made some good headway on my book. I hope to work more on it tonight. I’m currently listening to the podcast Books on the Nightstand and it is so inspiring me to write. I also like to listen to the Creative Penn Podcast. I get both of these through iTunes and listen to them on my ipod nano or through iTunes. It depends on where I am writing either on the computer or with pen and paper.

So far my book has an epigraph, dedication, and at least two chapters. I hope to add to that tonight as long as my 3yr old goes to bed okay. She is a night owl so it’s hard. But, I really believe this book on my experience with depression and anxiety attacks and how I got through the bulk of it to that Mountain Top, and trying each day, to maintain where I am, will really help others. It’s not easy to write, I must say. Some times I just want to stop writing because emotions are just going crazy. This all started with death of my mother about 13 years ago, so even though time as gone by, the pain never completely goes away. There is always a little that lingers. A lot of this book so far is my journal entries I kept the four months I was caring for my mother. I have them down, but will have to go through them for spelling errors, etc. Not really looking forward to that, but I know it needs to be done.

Please, pray for me on writing this book. It is hard to do to to bring back some of this stuff. But even if one person benefits, it was all worth it.

~Janis~

 

Camp NaNoWriMo

August Camp NaNo

J.I. Soucie

 

Geeze, here it is in the middle of August 2012 and I just realized it is another Camp NaNo month. Ugh! Some time to realize it!  I do have a story in mind and I’ll begin writing, but I think I may be a little late to meet the deadline of 50,000 by the end of the month. However, God works wonders and with Him there is no telling what can happen, so….I am just going to plug along with what is sitting in my brain waiting to get out, and see what happens. Very interested and excited to see what happens! You never know with God leading your life where you’re going to be taken next, so here goes all my fellow campers. Best of luck to you and may God bless you on your writing endeavors!

 

Janis

http://campnanowrimo.org/campers/jimonroe/novels/a-daughter-s-reflection

 

Uncategorized

Struggling to Get Writing

J.I. Soucie

All day I have made plans to get writing on my story Facade, but I cannot seem to get going. I am thinking about the story constantly and know exactly where I want the story to go, but the struggle comes when even beginning to write. I don’t know if I am just burn out, depressed or what. I feel a little lost. The road to a writing career has turned out to be bumpier than I expected. The desire to write is strong so I don’t understand my hesitation. Maybe it is the meds I am on for depression. I thought they were supposed to help you function not put you in a state where you don’t feel like doing anything. I just really don’t know what to think and feel frustrated. I can write a prayer in my prayer book, an entry in my journal and on my blog. But when it comes to working on a story I struggle.

I know when I was in my teens my mother praised me and supported me for choosing to be a writer, but once she died in was left with a father who criticized me saying “she’ll be lucky to have a book out by the time she dies”. That hit hard and deeply. All I wanted and needed was his support like I got from my mother but that never happened. He never bothered to ask what a story was about or ask to read what I had written so far, or really be involved with my life. My father was also a cause of the PTSD I suffer. I am wondering his comment and lack of support in my life and with my writing really affected me so deeply I feel
“blocked” when it comes to my writing. I just feel like I can’t go on because I have so much self doubt in my ability to write even though writing and English were strong points in school. I wish I knew the answer about what to do to get myself writing again. I feel each day that slips away not writing is a day I could have written another ten pages and be closer to finishing my novel. I will continue to pray about this and see what happens.

Uncategorized

Writing and depression

J.I. Soucie

This is a topic not too many talk about. Yes. I am a writer ad yes, I suffer from depression and anxiety. Many of you have been wondering why you haven’t seen many post on my blog related to writing, well, just in thick of moving my psychiatrist decides to take me off meds and them goes on vacation. So I had to call my primary doctor and tell him I was crashing and what do I do. He put me back on my meds and now it is a matter of getting them back to a stable level to help me function well enough to get back to writing some 3,000 words a day. Right now, I am finding it hard to get out of bed every day and see the bright side of things. I have no doubt will get there it will just take some time to get the meds right. So bare with me as I get through this depression which just saps my creativity.

My best to all!